aurora & moon

dear ghostchild

it's not you it's me, my eyes no longer work properly

everyone is becoming see through, do you know why?

sincerely, an old man whose sight is lost in the sky

***

dear old woman,

it's not me it's you, my eyes cracked the smile in yours and thats how i came to be.

i apologize for my lack of dignity.

sincerely, your son until the end of the day

***

dear aurora,

i told my mother i couldn't make it to your show last June  because work and i  couldn’t pull off the flight, the one she invested her hopes and heart in to seeing together, that i had planned to remind her i love her.

"it will be just like old times when it was just you and me and we were the magic of a willow tree," because those words are at least a little beautiful to my ma, so she would feel them, that much i can see.

and i think i ruptured the last crack in my daemon of her and for the first time she gave up a little on me. and that makes me both glad and sad.

"slad?" i say. she shakes her head, grossed out and cringing.

not long ago, my skin felt a flood of oxygen and i couldn't stop breathing, then i for sure died.

i told my mom sorry, but that's not what she wanted to hear

   and i was scared i made another her cry in a world where my body died too,

   but i was just having a dream baby

i write to you as i reach for a seed your daemon planted in me (not that song you wrote, but a remanant of my mother's eyes for your way of dreaming)

has it grown or was it just a bleary eyed hallucination?

anyway, i'm growing tired of my performance, so i might need to rest, but i wanted to ask.

how can i make it up to her? i know i probably already have, because she’s all about the small things.  but i know the  child in her is still a  big feelings kind of girl.

if i  wrote a song, would you sing with me? if i broke our secret vow about god, would you still play with me? can i ask you about what you’re feeling with how empty is my image of you?

im just not very sure of my words. (so have at it, what would you like me to say?

i would like you to say,

dear,

it doesnt work that way. you dont have to be (just) the big boy you're pretending to be, nor do you have to put a mountain on your shoulders for my love to reach you.

then you would say  something like

im just a child in the clouds too, love.

i find the sincerest words that reveal the secrets of the worldgod as she loves

and we keep each other company.

when he speaks through her forgotten voice

when she stares blankly deadpan at the fruit in your hand, and shakes her head

when you wonder oh my what could it mean, and realize moms old voice crept into the shake of my head at a fruit because something about adam and eve resonated with her so it resonates with me too, after all,  she’s the one who taught me how to not believe in a protective stance.

why, of course i can ask a question, anything dear. the consequences not without risk but there's a reason for blood sweat and tears

so that you dont have to, ill ask first

so that you dont have to, ill crash headlong

and if you don’t believe in yourself, then ill become a writer for you

happy new year <3